Women vs Women: Restoring Friendships is Worth the Price

Filed under Your Friendships Your Heart on Jun 13 13 by

restorationCan I be honest with you for a moment? I know I talk a lot about restoring friendships that have been damaged by drama, and I also am passionate about helping other women find freedom from insecurity. But when these lovely ideas turn into real-life situations, sometimes I find myself acting in opposition to this cause that I fight for.

Those in ministry are often faced with the fact that the reality of helping people is much less glamorous than the romanticized ideas they had before they actually got involved in their calling. This is no different. In theory, helping other women sounds nice—who doesn’t want to be an encouragement to someone else? The reality is, when people act insecure they aren’t fun to be around. When someone is treating me badly because of a problem in her life, my first thought is to guard my heart from her and run. It is certainly not to pursue after her in love and seek to restore the friendship. Why would I go to the trouble of reconciling with someone who isn’t being a good friend to me anyway? What value does that add to my life?

Isn’t this the truth about the way we view other women? If somebody cuts me down, I usually decide that they aren’t worth having in my life. When one of my friends does something immature, I often fail to extend love to them because I’d rather just back off while they are acting that way. But love doesn’t sit back passively while another makes mistakes. Love pursues. Love places so much value on the other person that it always seeks to restore, even when restoration is not deserved.

Love places so much value on the other person that it always seeks to restore, even when restoration is not deserved.

When I think about it, I have no idea why Jesus would die for me. If my friends treated me the way I often treat him, they would definitely get the cold shoulder from me. I would decide that their friendship wasn’t worth my time or that they weren’t adding anything valuable to my life. And yet, Jesus didn’t decide those things about me. For whatever reason, he viewed my life as being worth giving up his own. If I wasn’t giving him anything in return, wasn’t adding anything to his life, and wasn’t treating him well, why would he view me as worth pursuing?

I can’t completely answer that question, but this I know: the restored relationship between me and God was worth Jesus’ life. Something about the future of that relationship has infinite value to my Savior. I can’t comprehend what my fully restored walk with God will look like into eternity, but even though I can’t see it, I know that it was worth the life of the Son of God.

There is something inside of each of us that God values. When we are at our worst and not giving anyone a reason to love us, we are still loved and pursued by Him. When another woman is tearing you down or just getting on your nerves, remember that the restored relationship between the two of you has great value. We need to realize and wholeheartedly believe that every woman is worth it. In our fallen state, we might not always feel like they are worth it or understand why they are worth it. But since God says that each of us has value, we need to trust Him and make the decision to fight for our sisters. It is God’s desire for our relationships to be restored.

When we are at our worst and not giving anyone a reason to love us, we are still loved and pursued by God.

If nothing else works, just remember the way that God treated you when you didn’t deserve it—for me, that’s the quickest way to humble myself toward others. When I realize that God didn’t treat me as I deserve to be treated, it makes it far easier for me to extend that grace towards others and honor them.

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Lauren D'Alessandro
As the founder of The You Are Project’s print magazine and blog, Lauren is passionate about developing publications that inspire creativity and action. Lauren is the Editor-in-Chief of You Are REAL and the creator and manager of our website. Her dream is to continue using writing and publications as tools for communicating God’s love to the world. Keep up with her latest endeavors at laurendalessandro.com.