Women vs Women: We Need Each Other—But Don’t Always Like to Admit It

Filed under Your Friendships Your Heart on Mar 02 13 by

Let be honest with ourselves: we are all guilty of deciding to avoid other women for reasons the end up being really silly. Here’s an example of something that happens often:

What you’re thinking: “I want to be her friend, but she never says hi to me. I guess she hates me because she’s jealous of me/she doesn’t think I’m cool enough/I’m socially awkward/etc.etc.etc.”

What she’s thinking: “Maybe I should say hi to her. But she seems pretty confident—she probably doesn’t need me to go befriend her. She has plenty of other friends.”

Most of us have other women in our lives that we perceive as “enemies”. It doesn’t even seem like a big deal to us. We have that mental list of girls who “hate our guts”, we are sure. (Granted, it’s possible that some people do hate you. If this is the case, let it go! It’s better to love them back than to walk around with those feelings of competition.) But I can almost guarantee that you are wrong about many of those girls. I struggle with this all the time: I’ll often convince myself that someone hates me or doesn’t care enough to talk to me, only to realize later that they are shy themselves, or that they didn’t think that I was interested in talking to THEM. We need to be thoughtful to the fact that some people are more introverted, are flat-out shy, or are wondering why YOU haven’t come and talked to them. We have to start giving other women the benefit of the doubt and forging friendships with people that we normally wouldn’t, despite our insecurities and misperceptions.

Why is this so important? Are there really any consequences if we fail to reach out to other women?

The consequences are more severe than we realize. To illustrate, allow me to share a story of how my co-founder, Catherine, and I were almost kept apart.

When Catherine and I met, I was desperately trying to put a magazine together. It wasn’t very good. Even though I had the talents and skills needed, they weren’t really coming out of me in the right way. Nothing was fitting together. In one of my journals, I told God that I felt like I had half of a vision. He promised to bring about the other half. I met Catherine at church. A few weeks later, I was walking out of Ross and I saw her walking toward me. I took off my sunglasses and greeted her. We each had an hour and twenty minutes before we had to be somewhere, so she asked if I wanted to get coffee. We started talking about our hearts and what each of us individually wanted to do, and it wasn’t long before we realized that our half-visions fit together to make a perfect whole. But what I didn’t realize until later was that Catherine almost didn’t speak to me because she thought I didn’t like her.

When we met at church, I had given my number to Catherine, who promised to text me. I never received a text, but I didn’t think much of it. Catherine had been trying to text me and thought that my lack of response meant that I didn’t like her. Not only that, but she had a list of specific reasons why I must not like her. As it turns out, my number was entered incorrectly in her phone. Something so small almost stopped something so big from happening, and all because of a misunderstanding.

The Devil loves to tell lies and to twist our perceptions of people to prevent divine connections from happening.

I shared this story because I think it shows something important: the Devil loves to tell lies and to twist our perceptions of people to prevent divine connections from happening. If Catherine and I had decided not to talk to each other, the purpose for both of our lives would have been cut off in that moment. I would never have been able to do what I needed to do next, and neither would she. We needed each other in order to take the next step in the plan that God had for us. It wasn’t an earthquake or physical attack that almost came between us: it was a simple thought, “She doesn’t want to talk to me,” that attempted to cut off our purpose.

Now, God is sovereign. I don’t share this story to scare you into thinking that the whole purpose of your life is destroyed forever if you make one mistake. If Catherine and I hadn’t spoken that day at Ross, I’m sure that God would’ve brought us together somehow once we submitted our actions to Him. But if we had, for some reason, allowed ill-feelings to grow between us, we would never have started The You Are Project. I would have an online magazine that was generic and only a fraction of what it really could have been, and Catherine would be handing out You Are gift baskets. We would be carrying on with our half-ideas, never realizing the fullness of the bigger idea that God had in store.

When we work together, something happens: God is moved. When He is working through us, our work moves from the realm of the natural into the realm of the eternal.

Ladies, WE NEED EACH OTHER. We cannot accomplish the dreams that God has given us alone, and we are not supposed to. You might be extremely talented. You might have the highest IQ of anyone you know. You might have the most amazing ideas. But your part in God’s plan cannot be accomplished alone. The body of Christ has many parts, and what the body can accomplish working together is infinitely better than what each part can accomplish on its own. It’s not even a matter of addition. It’s not my part plus your part equals 2. When we work together, something happens: God is moved. When He is working through us corporately, as we move together in unity, our work moves from the realm of the natural into the realm of the eternal. Don’t let petty arguments prevent miracles from being worked in our midst. We were created to work together. So let’s do just that, and let’s watch as God takes our human efforts and creates something beautiful.

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Lauren D'Alessandro
As the founder of The You Are Project’s print magazine and blog, Lauren is passionate about developing publications that inspire creativity and action. Lauren is the Editor-in-Chief of You Are REAL and the creator and manager of our website. Her dream is to continue using writing and publications as tools for communicating God’s love to the world. Keep up with her latest endeavors at laurendalessandro.com.