Can You Hear Me Now? (How to Live a Marriage in the Moment)

Filed under Relationships Your Heart on May 27 13 by

Have you noticed the value of being fully present? A distracted mind or absent heart creates a chasm separating you from the most important person in your life.

We network in the office to build connections with our co-workers. We play with our children or express interest in their school and what they do. Each time, we demonstrate the value of the relationship. Being present improves friendships, business contacts, and more.

A distracted mind or absent heart creates a chasm separating you from the most important person in your life.

I Need A Break

It’s ironic how often we pour our energies into people who come and go in our lives. Then, when we meet up with our spouse, we’re wiped out. We mentally shut down and hide playing video games or surfing the net or watching T.V.

Has this ever happened to you?

Maybe you’re on your feet all day answering questions or getting supplies. Maybe you do task after task to earn money for the family. It’s tempting to ignore the one who sticks around, doesn’t give monetary feedback, and occasionally complains when they aren’t heard. After all his hard work, your husband may have had something he wanted to share with you. He’s waited all day to share, but you are done. He finds himself sounding like a bad cell phone commercial.

He’s repeated his story three times while you nod. He places his face in front of your screen and says, “Can you hear me now?”

Rather than get irritated because he interrupted your quiet internet time, consider what he’s really saying: “Which do you value more, the internet or me?”

What Does Marriage Mean to You?

When was the last time you shared your thoughts with each other? When did you last ask, “What does marriage mean to you?” Have you ever? This question is worth asking. It’s not too late.

To allow this question to have traction, decide to agree there are no wrong answers. Sit down at the kitchen table to talk. Write down 5 things you care about most in your marriage. (Some couples might feel like one thing is more than enough.) Pick a something to focus on improving. When you’ve declared what you both value, you will better be able to make the effort to keep your marriage strong.

Here are ideas to get started. Every couple’s list will be different.

What matters most in our marriage?

  • Time to talk one-on-one
  • Dates
  • Doing chores together (I adore it when my husband wants to help)
  • Sex/affection/touching
  • Praying
  • Reading the Bible together
  • Agreement on Money
  • Respect
  • Controlling Anger
  • Shared Time
  • Fun
  • Shared Faith/Beliefs
  • Skiing
  • Animal rescue
  • Exercise
  • Reading
  • Entertainment (i.e. movies, videos, etc.)

These examples don’t include stuff about the children. As much as we all adore our kids, the marriage lays the foundation for the family. It also has its own set of needs. A strong marriage requires attention just like networking and supporting the school. But, if we work on this area of our lives, it’ll keep paying off long after a job and school activities. King Solomon often gets quoted because of his wisdom. He mentions the value of working together for couples in Ecclesiastes 4:9-10.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! - Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NIV

In my marriage, I want my husband to help me, which means I also need to help him. Only if we pay attention to each other’s needs and stay present in mind and heart will we be ready and available to pick each other up when necessary.

About the Authorpaula

Paula Whidden is a wife, author, speaker, former full-time youth and children’s pastor turned stay-at-home-pastor. She created to help people see and understand how our choices affect our destination in life, in marriage, in parenting and in social media. Paula also wrote 25 Days ‘Til Christ: An Advent Devotional for the Family, now available on Amazon.

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