Relationship Anxiety: What’s Your Marriage Fear?

Filed under Relationships Your Heart on Mar 27 13 by


It’s safe to say that most single women desire to meet and marry the guy of their dreams. Sometimes, we talk as though it’s as simple as that—we are just sitting around dying to meet some guy, and when we do, we’ll marry them without a problem. It’s not often that we sit down and talk about the fears that we have about dating, marriage, and raising a family.

I hear a lot of talk about guys being scared of commitment or nervous about tying the knot, but rarely have I heard anyone admit that women might be scared of those same things.

I hear a lot of talk about guys being scared of commitment or nervous about tying the knot, but rarely have I heard anyone admit that women might be scared of those same things. A dear friend of mine confessed to me this weekend that while she’d love to meet a guy and get married, she’s also afraid. She’s afraid that she’ll love a guy and he’ll disappoint her; she’s also concerned that she’ll disappoint him, because she’s not perfect either.

A few of MY fears…

This conversation caused me to pause and think about the fears that I have in regard to relationships. I’d forgotten about these fears because I haven’t examined them in a while, but sure enough, they are still there.

Here are some of the things that I’m afraid of:

Needing someone. I don’t like that if I fall in love with someone, I will (to a degree) be giving them control of my happiness. Even the most perfect of men will be sure to disappoint me from time to time.

Dealing with the challenges of marriage. Every couple goes through difficult times, and I’m nervous about how I will handle those situations. I get overwhelmed at the thought of having any kind of marital struggle.

Being a bad parent. I’ve always been afraid of having kids. I feel that even if I’m a good wife, having kids just makes everything more complicated, and I’m surely not patient enough or selfless enough to be a consistently good parent.

And finally, my biggest fear, which is more present and related to dating, is not being seen. I worry about this more than I worry about not actually being good enough. Even if I am good enough, I worry that the guy I’m supposed to be with will not notice all of my good qualities. I want to be so valuable to someone that they are willing to fight to be with me. I want them to see me as one-of-a-kind, a needle in a haystack, someone rare that cannot be replaced. I worry that I won’t find someone who will fight for me that way.

And here’s how to tackle those fears!

Your fears about marriage might be a little different than mine, but in one form or another, we all have them. While I can’t promise that every one of yours will be cured by the end of this post, I can offer you hope and point you in the right direction so that you can start conquering these fears with God’s help.

Open up to your friends about your fears. We often don’t share our deepest worries with our close friends, but when we make the decision to talk about difficult subjects, we usually find out that we are not alone. Realizing that you aren’t the only one with these fears is a huge comfort. And there’s no medicine like good-old girl talk!

Talk to women whose marriages you admire. They’ve experienced all of the fear and uncertainty and come out on the other side. Their lives will convince you that even though marriage isn’t a cakewalk, the reward is worth the struggles. I found this post from Leigh’s column to be particularly encouraging.

When your friends, family, and significant other let you down, God is constant. Ultimately, His love is the only love that you really need.

And finally, find your fulfillment and validation in God alone. There is definitely a learning curve here, but the more satisfied you are in your walk with God, the more you will understand that you can always rely on Him. When your friends, family, and significant other let you down, He is constant. Ultimately, His love is the only love that you really need.

So there you go: I probably haven’t solved all of your problems, but I hope that this gets you thinking about giving your uncertainties over to God. I also hope this gets a dialogue going. Talk to your friends, your mother, or your mentor about the fears you have in regard to relationships. We don’t have to worry alone. And if you’re willing, share your concerns, wisdom, and encouragement in the comments.

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Lauren D'Alessandro
As the founder of The You Are Project’s print magazine and blog, Lauren is passionate about developing publications that inspire creativity and action. Lauren is the Editor-in-Chief of You Are REAL and the creator and manager of our website. Her dream is to continue using writing and publications as tools for communicating God’s love to the world. Keep up with her latest endeavors at laurendalessandro.com.
  • nancarv@verizon.net

    After over 50 years of marriage, I believe the most important thing you said was to find your fulfillment and validation in God alone. Jesus is the Bridegroom and the Church the Bride. Since I committed my life to Jesus over 30 years ago, Jesus, the perfect Spiritual Spouse, has guided me to being a better spouse. Daily prayer and always seeking Him will not disappoint. Thank you, Lauren, for your openness.
    Nancy

    • http://www.laurendalessandro.com/ Lauren D’Alessandro

      Thanks for sharing, Nancy! This is so true. :)